BENYOLA: What are you learning, what is the Lord still teaching you at this stage in your life that’s important to you?
STARKWEATHER: How to develop a character and a path in life that when I die and stand before him, he says, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” … Before then, it was a lot of learning about what the Bible said. I think, more and more, God points out to me those things that are sinful in my life that need to go, rather than, “I think I’m doing pretty good.” Not a very good characteristic of a Christian. I begin more and more to realize the purity of Christ and the sinfulness of my soul. We just finished Micah in our study: “What does God require of you but to do justly, love mercy and walk humbly with your God?” [Micah 6:8] And I stress the word “require.” It doesn’t say, “What does the Lord suggest?” or “What would be three nice things to do?” The Lord requires these of you. So these are the kind of things where I’m concentrated. That was probably driven a lot by my disease, because once I was on the chemo drugs, I felt like a potted plant. You’re alive but you’re not living. They really tear you apart. I had to ask myself, “Well, Gary, if you pass into eternity tonight … what would it take you to be ready to enter into eternity? Lord, show me what You want. I’m Yours.” To become less assertive, and I hope, more humble … God says every human being has sufficient knowledge of my eternality … and when you turn that off, you’re turning off the only light you could possibly have. The thing that worries me is one of Jesus’ most frightening statements he ever made, which was, “They loved darkness rather than light, so God gave them over to a reprobate mind.” [John 3:19, Romans 1:28] Now they can’t ever know light. What a scary thought, being in darkness the rest of existence … These people always insist on doing the right thing, yet they don’t believe there’s any fundamental morality … I love to read Al Mohler’s blog, ’cause he has wonderful stuff in there about postmodern thought … There’s only one truth. Two plus two is four. If you think two plus two is five, try telling that to the IRS. So, we live in a world in which it’s now, “My universe is here and your universe is there, and it doesn’t make a difference whether you’re in the same one.” It doesn’t work that way. That’s what I tried to get across. I’d like my God to give me the insight and the wisdom to use the knowledge that I’ve had to somehow share with people who need to hear that maybe their belief of the certain facts that they have is correct, but, “What should it do for you? Because you will die. You know that, not a question. Then what?” … I want to find in some way that what I know and the track that God has taken me through in my life could pay off as a way to deliver the gospel to people who otherwise wouldn’t hear. He didn’t put me here to lower the oxygen content in the atmosphere. That’s really not what it’s all about.
BENYOLA: Any final comments?
STARKWEATHER: In the sense of God’s sovereignty, looking at the majesty of the universe, and all the people and all that God has done, why did You choose me? I know that’s God’s sovereignty, but before the foundation of the world, he knew. Therefore, what responsibility do I have? That’s really what I’m searching for … Lord, use me. I don’t know how many years I have left … What more do you want from me?